I decided well before going to El Salvador that I would keep a journal to share with others after returning. I tried to write things down the day they happened, but got too busy the last couple days and so wrote on those after getting back. I did not edit anything out other than spelling and grammar, though I did insert paragraph breaks and add a couple things that I remembered when typing it up. Hopefully the level of detail is about right. I also took more pictures at the end, so if you're looking for those, scroll down.
3-10
The travel itself was fairly painless, almost not enough to jolt us into realizing that it was actually happening-here we are in El Salvador. The San Salvador airport had a relaxed feel at first, and even the hectic bustle of customs & immigration failed to jumpstart my mental processes. I felt nervous and uncertain about my readiness, but at the same time had done what I could think of to prepare and was confident that I could handle whatever might present itself. The airport felt safer than any US ones, without much security nor any visible military presence. Of course, I assume that's because they weren't needed rather than because they just didn't care. The ride to Ciudad Romero, where we were to stay, was interesting. Forgetting that it was dry season, I was expecting more tropical flora and was surprised by the shrubs and tall brown grasses. The advertisements on billboards along the road were surprisingly familiar and understandable, a fact that was disturbing and comforting at the same time. It means there is definitely economic progress, but it might not be in the best directions.
We arrived and were matched up with host families. Myself and 2 girls from Yale, Lisa and Pam, were matched up with a young (21 I think) mother named Vilma. My Spanish, accrued from 2 years in high school and 1 in college, was the best in our group, so I tried to communicate our important ideas. We discovered that Vilma has one 4 year old son named Jose and a husband currently living in Dallas while working at a restaurant to send back money. I may well have to look him up after school ends. Vilma was very hospitable towards us, though not especially talkative on her own. I felt somewhat awkward/bad about not being able to help at all with preparation or clean up of the meal; it was kind of like being waited on since they also didn't eat at the same time nor sit with us. I had been worried about getting enough food, a rather selfish and spoiled concern perhaps, but there it is. Luckily, the food was more than adequate, and I was able to even fill up by finishing Lisa's uneaten portion. Chicken, rice, corn tortillas, and avacado-it was very tasty. The group as a whole seems pretty good; we had an engaging discussion on what makes people the same or different: how we should address inequality. I found it unusual that the Yale group consists of 10 women and one man, versus our evenly split 5 and 5 (excluding leaders).
3-11
Today the "real stuff" began. We awoke at 6:30 to eat a quick breakfast before starting to work. I began by pounding down dirt/mud with a cement bucket to flatten the area for a foundation. It was actually for a communal warehouse rather than a home. After an initial visible effect, we didn't appear to be making much progress. It's remarkable how much effort is required to build structures or deal with soil, yet at the same time a lot can get done when a good number of people are working together. I also hauled water, sifted and moved dirt and sand, then filled lots of plastic bags with the right mixture of soil. Plants for the nursery will be put into the bags later, perhaps by us. The bagging itself was less labor intensive and allowed us to get to know each other a bit more. We were definitely ready to break for lunch though.
The food has still been good if not so exciting: lots of rice and tortillas. I finish everything, including things like egg yolk that I definitely wouldn't normally. Not out of hunger, but out of reticence to waste anything (avocado skins and the like excluded). We had a discussion on tzedukah versus gemilut hasadim (justice versus kindness). I had thought somewhat about the issues, but not acted on my ideas especially. We discussed whether it is worth volunteering one's time when money might accomplish more. Yet part of the effort is for us as well as them. It seems like there should be some better way to arrange things, but perhaps there isn't. Should we all have a responsibility to work on a major project, committing a year or 2? How much is admirable, and how much should be expected? Asking the questions again hasn't brought definitive answers, but I don't think anything will.
I was quickly befriended by Carlos, a young boy who enjoyed being picked up. He also helped us bag dirt.
3-12
One thing I forgot to write yesterday was that I realized to a greater
extent the meaning of a quote by an aborigine woman:
If you have come here to help me, you're wasting your time...
But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine,
Then let us work together.
We shouldn't just take pity on and help those less fortunate than us;
instead, we should recognize their importance in the scheme of things
and want to act for that reason. I woke up feeling fairly refreshed. After
breakfast, we departed on the school bus for another town. I have been
a bit surprised in general that we don't stick closely to the schedule;
things tend to run mildly to significantly late. We end up getting started
late, but also working later and being late for meals, which I feel a
bit bad about but can't quite control. We did rather similar work in the
other village, primarily helping to build more houses. We were split up
into several groups. My group sifted cement then mixed cement, rocks,
and sand to make a kind of mortar that we used to fill the blocks comprising
the walls of the house. We also spent some time helping with the steel
wire supports. I felt like we accomplished something despite sometimes
standing around wondering what we could do next. Two of the guys spoke
some English and so could instruct us in both languages, though mostly
Spanish. The man whose house it was to be called me a bricklayer. Once
I got the word translated, I felt proud even while knowing it was partly
in jest. After eating a late dinner, we had a shorter discussion. I still
can't reconcile belief with lack of action: that I have not volunteered
much is due to the fact that I don't believe strongly enough in volunteering.
It seems difficult to find a balance between time for yourself or others.
If one believes strongly in volunteering, wouldn't s/he spend almost all
time doing so? Yet most people don't. Should we encourage them to do so,
perhaps even command it, or should we let them find their own way? In
a sense, trying to get people to volunteer is like proselytizing, something
Judaism does not support.
After a hard day's work, the future owner of the house we were building chopped Molly, myself, and the rest of us some tasty coconuts.
3-13
We joke a fair amount, perhaps a natural response to such an experience. It seems a little unusual, but we do have serious discussions and one can only maintain concentrated thought for so long. We went to a farm where organic chili peppers are grown and made mounds of dirt in a new field to allow more planting. The seeds will be put in the mounds, with water filling the other areas. It made us appreciate how difficult field work is. There was no shade around, but a breeze helped temper the sun. Some of the people I was around conducted a Beatles singing contest for knowing the most song. I was shown both the extent of my Beatles ignorance and that it is difficult to sing loudly to less known songs while working hard. Machines are definitely useful; much of what we have done could be more efficiently accomplished with machines. We went back to bagging dirt around our community for part of the afternoon since they needed lots more bags. I helped make decisions about when to hold our meetings and discussions since we were off schedule. Rather worked.
Some of the UT group takes a break and a picture with our hoes.
Jennifer Ackerman had more success getting her young friend to dance than I did mine, but I managed.
By the end of the day, we got DIRTY. I think I had all these girls beat hands down.
3-14
We woke up early and skipped breakfast to drive on the bus to San Salvador. Unfortunately, we had some engine trouble and so had to stop for a while the drive more slowly. This made the trip take a lot longer, about 3 hours. We were supposedly going to get donuts on the way, but that didn't happen, so our own hunger temporarily overshadowed altruistic concerns. I made the mistake of not bringing my snacks. We stopped at UHF, another NGO (non governmental organization) that helps build houses for people, and heard a presentation about their work. In general, I have trouble listening to lectures when I'm tired. The days here are intense enough that I want to wind down, talk, and reflect rather than going straight to bed after we finish (as is the habit of most of the Yalers). 6 hrs/night isn't so bad though. Nonetheless, it's difficult to maintain concentration even though I don't actually dose off. It was worse that morning, and the coffee we were served didn't help at all. In addition to affecting what we get out of the experience, such concerns remind me that people's basic needs must be taken care of before higher concerns can be considered. For instance, if you want to teach children (or adults) effectively, you must first make sure they are getting enough food and sleep.
We finally got a brunch/lunch of pupusas, greasy cheese and bean filled
tortillas. I was surprised at how inexpensive many things are, even in
the city. Pretty much all the usual things were sold. We got to see a
museum depicting clergy who were killed during the fighting. Also the
chapel where Archbishop Romero (a major figure who tried to effect change
in favor of the poor; our community is named after him and the people
almost worship him) was assassinated. They weren't as moving as I'd expected,
but still interesting. We next went to see Romero's former house. The
gate was locked from the inside as well as out, and our guide's key only
worked on the outside lock. The guide sent a native around to go over
the fence, but after waiting a bit for him I asked and got to scale the
wall above the gate in a place without any broken glass on top. Safe and
not that difficult, but impressed some in the group. We all went inside
to shortly find the native scrambling over a different area. After that,
we went to a park facing both the capitol and the cathedral Romero frequented.
There was some sort of demonstration going on, and a couple people were
yelled at. We didn't stay long: walked inside the cathedral then left.
It was already getting dark as we piled on the bus; we were behind schedule
again. We were supposed to arrive back and hear a talk from the head of
La Coordinadora. He had things to do though, and so met us on the road
before the village. He told a rather neat story about the civil war and
how La Coordinadora came out of it. Unfortunately, I felt a sudden loss
of energy partly through his talk. As soon as he finished, I stretched
out across the aisle and slept, not even moving to the back where people
wouldn't have had to step over me. Felt better afterwards, and was up
for more conversation about things. We didn't stay up so long after getting
back. Since it was already late, there was no formal discussion.
Boy were we glad to finally get some food at this restaurant in San Salvador. I ate 5 pupusas compared to the normal 2.
The small chapel where Archbishop Romero was killed.
A different chapel, part of the museum commemorating different clergy killed for taking the radical step to help those in need.
These bushes were planted to honor several Jesuit missionaries who were machine-gunned down.
On a lighter note, this is me climbing the over the wall to let us into Romero's former house (see last entryfor more).
Here we are clustered in front of Romero's house, which is now a museum commemorating him.
So maybe I got a little picture happy (for me) here. His house had a nice fountain and I wasn't using my pictures up fast enough.
We got to see the one and only synagogue, in San Salvador. It was nicely adorned.
3-15
Today we visited a hospital and heard about their work. It is remarkable how much they do with a small budget, serving 40,000 per year on only $175,000 (plus salaries). The doctors wanted the resources to do more, and hopefully those in our group with medical connections can help them to get supplies. It was especially interesting to see the kid's ward. The kids seemed very cheerful in general and had their moms with them the whole time, a fact probably beneficial to their health but that we don't consider in the US (to my knowledge).
We also saw the site where a market is to be built. La Coordinadora will
buy produce from the villagers for higher prices than they're currently
getting from middlemen. Las C will hire people from the village so as
to also provide jobs, and it will make money to fund other projects of
theirs. A neat operation that Chencho, our contact from La C, just thought
up from seeing land for sale.
In the afternoon, we went to a circle of reflection. From description,
I had thought it was about conflict resolution among adults and that we
would somehow be mediators. Instead, it turned out to be a forum for children
who had organized to try to help with issues in their village. They performed
a skit about their life, which we then discussed. Both sides then proceeded
to ask questions, translated into both Spanish and English, about minor
points in the others' lives. During the discussion, I got to hold a young
baby girl whose mother was almost certainly younger than I. The baby was
fairly active and healthy. She very much wanted to chew on the long plant
leaf near us, which I tried to prevent without making her cry. I was surprised
that she had an earring at such a young age. Apparently it is common for
girls' mothers to pierce their ears at age 4 or 5, but less than 1 is
an exception. I think the children at the forum learned as much from us
as we did from them, which was good because it helped to dispel myths
about how wonderful things are in the US-opportunity doesn't always equal
happiness.
We also learned a humorous lesson about miscommunication when a member of our group who doesn't speak Spanish made a slight pronounciation mistake when repeating what someone told him to say. He introduced himself as having 20 anuses (anos) rather than being 20 years old (años), eliciting a burst of laughter from all present. While helping another friend who doesn't speak Spanish find a bathroom without getting chased off, I got to see how kind the people in that village are. A woman who had a headache nonetheless invited us in and got out a chair for me to sit on while my friend used the outhouse. In general, no one seemed to laugh at my numerous butcherings of gender, grammar, and the like. Our host mom Vilma did smile in a rather confused at bemused manner at some of my rantings, but I didn't sense any disapproval.
In any case, the circle of reflection ended with an eloquent (that is it sounded eloquent translated) statement by their student leader. No one from our side volunteered to close, so we thanked them and left it at that. I prefer to translate my own statements, but am not up to Spanish eloquency. We got back to Ciudad Romero just barely in time for Shabbat. During the 5 minutes that people were assembling, I went outside to play more with the children and give out the playdough I had brought. The girls were rather pushy to get one, but I think they understood and took to heart my instructions to share and only play with it inside. While as much a fan of being lifted and swung around by me as the guys, they especially adored 2 girls in our group; interestingly, the same 2 I enjoyed talking to the most. Children in general have a somewhat innate sense of character, perhaps those in El Salvador even more so.
We started off Shabbat by each lighting 2 candles, a slight challenge with 25 people and 2 cinderblocks to place them off. We then broke off to shower, and those waiting sang Shabbat songs. It was a nice atmosphere, and I continued to sing while taking as quick a shower as possible. Not having found time to shower the day before, I was glad to be clean. We then began a shortened mostly conservative kabbalat Shabbat service with several extra readings. I felt it went well and was meaningful, especially the energy generated during a little dancing part. After the service we got to eat. I had sort of mentioned the service but, because I didn't think she would be interested and wasn't sure how to explain it, had not really invited Vilma. We had arranged to pick our dinner from her house at 7:30 so she wouldn't have to carry it over, but it turned out that she had come with her sister and brother-in-law and seen the whole thing. She also brought over a nice dinner that we ate mostly without being able to see. The group had been instructed not to let children actually drink out of our water bottles because of possible diseases, but that seemed to callous to avoid the risk so most people broke it. Not an exception, I shared some of my water with Vilma's son Jose. My slow eating (I generally consume a lot yet like to hold conversation, a combination not conducive to finishing quickly) had generally prevented me from having time to play with Jose because we usually had to be places soon after eating. That night I opted to not quite finish all my food but play with him instead, putting him on my shoulders and doing a vague dance to the music playing. He liked that so much that I "had to" put him up several more times, after breaks for my back. In the same manner, I was also able to cheer up a slightly younger boy who had been feeling bad or tired and was kind of crying. That felt nice, and eventually I had him and Jose running me while holding onto my arms until I got too dizzy. To be honest, I can't remember whether we had a discussion afterwards or not. I rather expect so, but that it was shorter. In any case, I stayed up talking to people about various things again, but was able to get more sleep by sleeping until a luxurious 7:40 and eating breakfast at 8.
This is the area where the market is to be built. It looks rather bleak at present.
This structure will be a hotel for visitors to the market or foreigners. It didn't end up being a very good picture, but oh well.
This kid wanted his picture taken and I was more than happy to oblige.
I had to also capture on film some of the other kids hanging around when we left the circle of reflection.
I thought the mountains looked pretty neat from the bus.
When we stopped at a gas station for goodies, Lisa showed off her incredible ice cream eating ability. You can't really see it, but she is trying to eat only the inside ice cream while avoiding the chocolate shell.
3-16, 3-17
After breakfast, we had a short morning service with some more singing. I gave a torah commentary on the weeks portion which I had not found much time for and decided to mostly come up with on the spot, not my usual tactic so I was a bit nervous. I was able to pull it off well though and got at least one compliment later. The portion was about sacrifice, and I tied it in by talking about how it was actually a sacrifice to give up animals back in the days of the temple, the same way it would be for people here. Prayer is not sacrificing anything but a little time, so maybe we should think today about making more sacrifices by giving more of our money and ourselves to others. We then had another discussion, this time about Judaism's view on tzedukah and social justice. I found this less interesting, in part because I disagreed with and so didn't find very helpful the passages we read on the subject. Because I had thought we were all eating dinner together rather than with our host families, I brought the gifts for Vilma, Jose, and his friends to lunch, as did my eating partners. The gifts seemed to be well received, and I got Vilma's address as well as her husband's phone number in Dallas.
After lunch, we took a 3 mile hike down to the nearby river. It was pleasant enough to walk even though I carried large amounts of extra water for a bit less than half the journey. The river was much larger than I expected and had a strong current. It was only deeper than my height for a tiny portion though. Still, it was impressive how well the young kids could swim in spite of the current. The experience was very refreshing and fun. The kids could also do flips and turns jumping off a log or my shoulders. I first thought they were excellent at skipping rocks also. However, I realized after trying myself that the pumus rocks there were great for skipping. They didn't work quite as well for throwing, but I was still able to barely beat the guys in a throwing contest. There were initially no girls at all from the village, though later a few came with their mothers. I heard about and partly witnessed the major incidence of village boys misbehaving at the river when they hung on and grabbed the butts of a couple girls from our group, who didn't appreciate it but were unable to prevent it by verbal means.
On the way back some of us talked to a soldier by the road and found out that armed guards are required around construction sites and the like to prevent people from stealing the equipment or materials. We then had a big group discussion on what we could start doing to help make the world better, both in terms of giving up things and being more active. There was a fair amount of heat stirred up about some issues, such as one girl finding it somewhat offensive that we had stopped at Texaco, a company with bad business practices, the day before to buy lots of junk food for a girl whose birthday was today. I didn't want to buy anything there but had not been vocal about disapproving and understood how people felt as there weren't really other options. It came up that there are very few companies without some kind of less desirable aspects, a somewhat depressing fact. We decided to try to make a list of some of the worst and come up with ways to make little differences. I already try to buy as little as possible that I don't need and walk or ride a bike rather than having a car, so while such things may be more of a concern in the future, for now I should concentrate more on developing active practices. We ran out of time and so resolved to continue the list through emails and online.
Off to my last meal with the host family; the Yale people were also going to breakfast since they had a later flight. I said a quick goodbye to Vilma and Jose, no tears or anything but I did kind of start to miss them. We had a havdalah service to end Shabbat and gave our own little random reflections while in a circle under the stars. Afterwards, we started the main discussion about what to take away from the trip. I fell into an energy slump for some reason, maybe the whole week just catching up with me, and so didn't participate or get much out of it. What I was able to pay attention to was not especially interesting. Several decent ideas were proposed, but nothing great nor anything that really seemed to require the experience. Maybe it's too demanding to expect clarity on how to act from such a trip, but I was hoping for guidance rather than just consciousness raising. There is no clearly optimal way to help though, regardless of scope. A lot of what they would still need from us is money, which we could have given before. Of course, we might not have understood that the money was going into projects that would make people independent rather than being used as handouts. I began to perk up and actually would have preferred to keep the discussion going, but some people were anxious to get to bed and so we split up into the Texas and Yale groups for final conclusions. It was a bit disheartening that the Texas people's schedules are so incompatible: we could find no time to all meet besides Friday night during Shabbat. Hopefully we will still get some projects going together, but the majority will probably be on our own, though with some kind of communication. Since I had my energy back, I stayed up talking more after the meeting and ended up getting a little over 1 hour of sleep, though I still got up right on time and woke up the other guys in my room. We Texans said goodbye to the Yale people that night since they weren't waking up as early as we were. After loading up, a van ride, a couple plane flights, then another plane ride, we were home. It seemed too sudden of a transition, especially since I slept for most of the way. I can't yet speak of the lasting effects, but will post updates if major things happen.
I couldn't leave without flipping Carlos one last time.
Jennifer expressed great caring in general; here she cleans off Yeto, a 12 year old mentally retarded boy who proceeded soon after to get dirty again.
A lot of the Yale group went to bed before I could get last pictures
of them, so I settled for mostly UTers.
I had to say goodbye to Vilma and her good cooking.
I also had to say goodbye to Jennifer, who had become a good friend; she was the only Yale person to stay up almost as late as I.
Later
It's weird being around people who haven't had the same
experience, because I don't know how to communicate it all properly (part
of why I'm putting up this journal). I felt like I had so many old and
new things I wanted to do, pressure and not enough time.